Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Just When You Get A Handle on It

That's what they do to you in law school. Just when you get a handle on things they shake you up. I've been fine, getting into the rhythm and feeling pretty good about things. Then my academic support group got together to go over outlining, since that is what we are expected to do over Fall Break. It made my head hurt. I've always enjoyed outlining, but adding that and a memo to my existing coursework is making me feel overwhelmed. I'm sure it will be fine but I find myself increasingly grumpy and apathetic more and more. I have had some great weekends with nice breaks, but I really just want to crawl into my bed and pretend the world doesn't exist. I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling this way. Maybe outlining will actually help, since I'll have more perspective on how far I've come?

In other news, this Friday it will be one year since my brother-in-law committed suicide. The time has gone by so fast and I'm not really sure how to feel. I'm sad of course, but just like when he was alive, life just goes on and he didn't really affect us all that much. Saying that makes me even sadder. What a waste. He could have been so much, but I never felt like he would. I hate it that I turned out to be right. I miss him. I know Abby is missing out, since he was so loving and attentive to her. I want to say the afterlife is so much better for him than this life was, but I am so uncertain about the afterlife I can't really tell myself that if it's a lie. Ugh. The depression over the anniversary is not helping with school. I'm sure the hibernating urge I'm feeling has a lot to do with that.

School is school. I would love to tell a hilarious story, but I just don't have the energy. It's like this at home too. I have this whole other separate life away from my family, and when I get home I just want to share it all with Brian. But I can't get the words to form.

I am a zombie law student.


  1. This is one of those annoying advice comments: I wouldn't think about outlining until Thanksgiving. You won't have enough perspective on the classes until then. It's not you, it's the classes. :) Just soak up as much as you can and don't stress about it too much. You will get the material, honest, but you will be much more receptive to understanding it all later on.

  2. I'm a zombie law student too! Maybe we should start a club. And btw, I'm jealous that you have an academic support group. I guess my support group would be...my dog? And honestly, she's a good listener but she doesn't really add much to the overall discussion. I should really get out more...