Summer Plans

I am trying to finalize my summer plans while trying to finish this year up. It's frustrating that we have to make decisions so early. I didn't get the public defender job I was hoping for, but I'm optimistic I can get something else lined up. I am thinking I will take classes and do a clinic, which should give me a nice summer experience while giving me plenty of time to be home with Abigail. I want to go to the park and play as much as I want to work, so this should be a good balance.

I decided not to take "no" lying down and called up a local public defender that does not belong to the county-funded association. Small cities contract out their public defense work so I contacted one that has an excellent reputation. If I can do an unpaid internship for them, I can get school credit. I even got a faculty member to agree to do a directed study for me to satisfy the academic portion of the clinic. So that's one option I have to lean on. I am meeting with the firm tomorrow to see if it's a good fit. It's too bad it's a bit of a drive, but if it's only 2 days a week or so I'm not too worried about it.

I just want to do some good work and make a difference this summer, because next summer will be the bar and I want to learn as much as possible before then.

What are your summer plans?

Power Up!

Yesterday in between errands I got a little me-time. I bought a couple new suits and got my hair cut and styled. I had recently had a horrible haircut and needed to get the damage repaired before my interview. I went to the Paul Mitchell School and they did a fantastic job! I felt amazing when I left; so empowered! I walked into my interview at the public defender feeling good about myself and left the interview feeling the same way. It was a very quick (ten minute) interview, but I thought the interviewer was responding well to the things I had to say. I know of a couple of my classmates who were interviewing and they are really great, I hope I get it but I also wish them luck. I am hoping the department will take a couple of clerks. One of  my friends already works there and it would be really fun to work with her.

When I bought the suits the clerk at Macy's (where I never, ever shop) talked me into a store credit card, which I immediately regretted. I then promptly changed my mind. They have a great selection of suits and other things and it will be fun to broaden my shopping horizons a bit.

All in all, I felt like a lawyer today. It's silly I know, and I have worn suits and had haircuts before but today it just felt RIGHT.

Whoa. Dude.

October? That was my last post? What has happened to me!?!

Okay, so 2L happened. What a weird year this has been so far. Last semester I did the least amount of work ever and got higher grades than before. I read for class exactly one time (for one class) and it just happened to be the day the prof canceled class halfway through. Still, I pulled very very good grades (for me). Maybe I am hitting my stride with exams or time-management? Who knows, but I am having a good year. Things are very busy though. I wasn't supposed to keep my job through the school year; it was only intended to be a summer thing. When my bosses' paralegal left suddenly I couldn't just leave them in the lurch, so I stayed on. It was super stressful because I was doing the Innocence Clinic and it required 10+ hours per week. So 10 at work, 10 at clinic, 15+ in class, plus study time, plus 5 at my on-campus job. There just weren't enough hours to get it all done. So studying took a backseat, because I would much rather spend time with my daughter than study.

Speaking of Abby, she turns 3 this month. Holy crap. I cannot believe that is happening. She talks in mile-long paragraphs now and has started inventing stories. Sometimes unfortunate ones such as the other day when I was doing dishes. She wandered into the kitchen and said to herself "No mommy, don't hit me!"

Uh, what the hell?

So I said, "What, Abby?"

She replied, "You threw that at me in my bedroom and you broke it and it hurt."

Uh, what the hell?

I finally realized she was playing pretend, but I was kind of freaked out. Was this something she overheard? Was this a pretend that she was TELLING PEOPLE?!?! OMG.

I am terrified (from work, which has addled my brain) that she will say something like that to the wrong person and I will find DCFS at my door. YIKES.

In other news, I decided to quit my job. The idea of staying was to help them out and make a bit of cash, but I want to use my summer continuing to learn about defense and even represent some clients (we have a 3rd year practice rule in my state) so I asked my bosses if they thought they would have something for me to do.

They said they didn't think so and I began hunting for something else. Trial Ad is ramping up soon and I won't have time to train my replacement if they don't hire someone quickly, so I told them to get on that. I got an interview with a public defender's office which will happen on Tuesday. I am super excited!! I have always pictured myself in a public interest role, albeit originally I thought it would be prosecution, and getting a clerkship with this office would be so awesome. I hope the interview goes well.

That's pretty much it. I am plugging along and really enjoying my classes this semester. I am taking a health law class which is outside my track but seemed interesting. At first I was horrified by how philosophical it is, but now I am REALLY enjoying it. See? I used all-caps. That means a lot.

Trial Ad is super fun but a little scary. We meet at night once a week in small groups and do things like cross-examine each other. It's a little nerve-racking but we always laugh a lot at our mistakes and learn something. The best part is that the small-section professors are adjuncts who are actually practitioners. Mine is a defense attorney I have long admired and it's awesome to get to learn from her. Especially because her firm is prestigious and I wouldn't have a prayer of getting a job there.

Hopefully I can be more dedicated to blogging, but I am not super optimistic!

Fitness Challenge and Family Pictures

Here is the status of the fitness challenge. Mostly it's not even started yet, we're starting tomorrow. Some people hadn't gotten back to me with their goals so I decided to delay it a bit. Things often don't go to plan, but I am still going to lose the weight so I don't care if other people need to procrastinate.

My progress thus far is pretty non-existent. I haven't worked out that many times, but I've been more mindful of my eating. During school I stopped buying lunches and started making them. This weekend I put some jeans on I haven't worn in months. I weigh the same, but I seem to be a bit thinner. I'll have to get on the ball if I want to lose some pounds.


Finding time to work out is really difficult. My schedule is ridiculous, but here is what I am trying to aim for:

Monday Evening
Tuesday Afternoon
Thursday Afternoon
Friday Afternoon


Then on the weekend do at least one physical activity with the family.
This weekend we're going to take Abby and go to a corn maze! It should
be awesome.

Last weekend we got some family pictures taken. I think they're a good way to gauge where I am and where I hope to be.

 

Progress

Yesterday was the beginning of the fitness challenge. I got up at 7 to run on the new treadmill, only to discover that I couldn't find my inhaler. For the first month or so that I'm getting in shape I need to use my inhaler about half an hour before working out. Not a great start to the challenge! My goal is to lose 30 lbs in 90 days. It will be hard and I already feel like I need to step it up. It's only been one day! I shouldn't be so hard on myself.

The new treadmill is great. When I got home from work last night I went downstairs. It was TOUGH to drag myself down there, I was so tired. I watched last week's episode of How I Met Your Mother while I ran, so I was plenty entertained, but passed out on the couch immediately after dinner.

I feel like I never get enough sleep. We sent Abby off to Nana and Papa's house for the weekend and got plenty of sleep, which oddly made us feel worse. Last night after working out I had a little nap, then got up and got ready for bed. I didn't get to sleep until 12:30 or so, then had to get up at 6:30 and get to class by 7. I hate morning classes. I'm tired, but I feel better than I normally do. Maybe the exercise helped?

Priorities

This week I had a bit of a nervous breakdown. I was hormonal from taking Clomid (which did not work on the first try, sadly) and feeling generally overwhelmed. Abigail is so amazing, I have a hard time imagining having another kid. I sort of love our little family just how it is, but I think another one would be great too. It’s just hard because with trouble ovulating, school, being over 30 (I know, I’m still young, but I worry. Do you know the odds of having a Downs baby after 30? Google it. It scares me.) and everything else going on I was just feeling very stressed. I talked to my husband about it and we decided that with my weight (nearly as high as it was when I delivered Abby) and stress levels I need to do something or I will be in trouble in the future. I have about fifty pounds to lose and all efforts to make positive changes have failed. I have great intentions, but a workout routine just never seems to materialize. If I can’t do it in law school, how am I supposed to do it when I’m an attorney? Not to mention that pregnancy will go a lot better if I’m not a) so out of shape any effort induces asthma symptoms and b) so fat that the baby is statistically more likely to be large and my chances of gestational diabetes go up. I’m actually having trouble sleeping at night due to my weight.

Recently, like within the last two months or so, my abdominal muscles gave up. I now have that Thing that fat people have. Up to now, I have managed to skate by with the weight distributed all over. This means I may be considered “obese” but because I’m tall with a small waist and big boobs I still look pretty damn good naked. Now, The Thing has appeared. You know The Thing. People at bargain basement stores in sweats driving around on little motorized shopping carts have it. People who’ve had multiple pregnancies (at once I mean) have it (provided they don’t get free tummy tucks like Kate Gosselin did, the lucky duck!). The Thing is what those 80 dollar Lane Bryant jeans are intended to hide. I really wish I had bought those instead of the 30 dollar equivalent at another store. The Thing is what you USED to grab onto when you were a skinny teenager and you relaxed your stomach muscles, because it was dramatic to pretend it was fat and not relaxed muscle and skin, and now I can grab it even when I’m flexing my hardest and standing up straight. It HANGS. I had gotten quite used to nothing HANGING. Are you disturbed? Because I am. Enough to do something about it. I just hope my body can recover, I’d hate to start selling myself in exchange for plastic surgery.

Today I bought a treadmill. I’m not sure if I have blogged about our last treadmill and how it tried to KILL every person in my family, but suffice it to say it got returned to the store. I felt defeated (and pissed) and decided I needed to go to a gym instead. I’m pretty sure that was almost two years ago now. This new treadmill is SO pretty. It has an iPod jack and built in speakers and it does interval training. Do you know what that is (and how awesome it is)? Basically, it makes you go slow/fast slow/fast over and over to help you build cardiovascular endurance. This is the best and quickest way to train your lungs and prevent asthma attacks. It helps you be able to suddenly do stairs without passing out. And, it’s great for weight loss. Just when you catch your breath, it’s time to run again. You don’t feel bored, because your pace changes every minute. Some people prefer incline intervals, but I like speed intervals. The point is, this is the kind of training I like. If I’m going to form a new habit, it needs to be something I like. Once I’m in good enough shape, we can talk about doing the kind I don’t like, but for now, I’m just going to set some goals. I would really like to run a mile without stopping. And then 2 miles, then 3, and so on.

I’ve been thinking of starting a Biggest Loser competition with my friends, only instead of competing for most amount lost, we just compete to meet our individual goals. If you meet your goal, you win. If you don’t, you lose. And then the winners divvy up the prizes. I’m worried about trademark though, anyone have a suggestion for a parody of the name? How about Biggest Schmoozer?
Anyway, that plus lots of law school is what is up with me.

Mondays

Obviously Mondays are difficult. This week is especially difficult because this weekend was The Game. Our big rivalry game happens every year and since our rival is a church-owned school the game is known as The Holy War. I think that's a bit silly, because we have plenty of religious people at our school, but we're still known as "the heathens." I made sure to live up to this title with copious amounts of tequila all weekend. I was hoping I was pregnant but feeling decidedly NOT, so I decided to take the risk. I took a test last night and it was negative, although it was a bit early. I still don't think I'm pregnant, so I won't let the 10-plus margaritas make me feel guilty. It was a lot of fun, although I was beginning to feel slightly hormonal and grumpy. Looks like I'm in for a rough day tomorrow as well, assuming the Clomid is going to make my cycle a little more regular.

So why am I making you suffer by hearing about my menstrual cycle? Because I am dealing with that (and obsessing over it due to the attempts to get pregnant) AS WELL as law school.

I'm not a fan. I'm really not. In fact, I'm rethinking the whole thing altogether. Pregnant during law school? (While working two jobs and raising a toddler?) Am I completely insane? Why would I do that on purpose? Why can't men have babies?!?

Still, I feel like it's now or never, and I don't know if I want my daughter to be an only child. What to do? I would say we'll just see what happens, but dealing with things like Clomid and periods and hormones and grumpiness is really tough while managing everything else. I'm not totally convinced it's worth it.