Bliss

Today I am in a zone of bliss. I've actually been studying for my ConLaw exam (an improvement from CrimLaw last week) and I feel like I'm maybe starting to get a handle on it. Things at home are great. I did a ton of spring cleaning last week, which makes hanging out in the basement (that's where the Law Cave is) much nicer. The upstairs was driving me insane because it's not as clean, and then The Mad Scientist went and cleaned up the kitchen. He even mopped the floor and then proceeded to dance around in it, rejoicing at how his feet were NOT sticking to the linoleum. Yeah, law school puts a major damper on my OCD cleaning and organizing. It's sad that I am looking forward to my internship because I know I can come home and COOK AND CLEAN at the end of the day. Yep, I'm progressive all right.

In other news, we've decided to get pregnant again. I visited the doctor and got off birth control and now we are officially trying. We figure we will try to avoid getting pregnant during times where it will put my due date during exams, but other than that we're just winging it. I figure it will be better to do this while in law school than once I'm out, and no time is really a good time so we may as well go for it. I feel extremely happy about this decision, though I hope I can drop the weight I want to before I get pregnant. It took a really long time last time around, so maybe that means I'll have some time to get in shape. I'm hoping the summer will give me a chance to exercise more (perhaps on my lunch hour?) and drop the pounds.

I have this vision of returning to school in the fall looking so good people don't recognize me. Of course all I have to do is open my mouth and people will be like "OH YEAH IT'S YOU."

That reminds me, I have a tiny rant. I am what is considered a "strong personality." Lately I am more and more realizing that this is code for "bitch", which is really upsetting. It's a tactful way of saying that I hurt people's feelings with absolutely no intention to, I can rub people the wrong way, and people feel intimidated by me despite my best efforts. It's something I struggle with and work on a lot. What upsets me is that for those "weak personalities" (hey, if you can say I have a strong personality what is the alternative? But "weak" does sound pejorative...) it means they are often upset with me and don't feel like they can tell me so. So nothing gets resolved and they just resent me, while I go on oblivious. It's SO frustrating. I don't say anything mean to people (and try to avoid saying anything mean ABOUT people) and yet they infer a "tone" in what I say. I am very direct. I don't say one thing while meaning something else. I'm not a catty girl who says she is fine but doesn't mean it. If I have an issue I address it, but 99.9% of the time I give people the benefit of the doubt and don't get offended if someone sounds bitchy. I just assume they don't mean to offend me and let it go. Why can't these people do the same for me?

Okay, end rant. For the most part I just let those people go on with their lives without me in it. I care about people and if they find themselves hurt by me (even if I have no intention and can't do anything to prevent it) I don't want them to have to feel that way. Unfortunately this means there are just some friendships I can't have, and it hurts.

So, back to ConLaw studies! I just finished my outline so now I'm just going to do a practice test and enjoy my evening. Good luck to everyone on their exams!