Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Why, Bill???!!

My boss does free consults if people call in. He recently got one I just had to share.

"How can I help you?"

"Uh, yeah, so I got one for ya."

"Okay... tell me about your situation."

"I took care of this guy's dog for FOUR MONTHS. Do you know how much that woulda cost him if he had to kennel it?"

"Are you in some kind of criminal trouble? This is a criminal defense firm."

"Well what I want to know is, see, I took care of this guy's dog for FOUR MONTHS."

"I see..."


"Uh huh..."

"So I wanna know if I go git a sign and write 'Why, Bill?' and just go stand out in front a his house, if that's breakin the law. Can I git arrested?"

At this point in the office a crowd has gathered. The other partner and myself are stifling giggles as much as possible.

My boss informs the guy that he has a right to free speech, but if he's trespassing or if the guy calls the police and they ask him to leave he may end up with a disorderly conduct charge. They love using that as a catch-all in our state. He says that some things just aren't worth the risk and maybe he should just write a letter telling the guy how he feels.

We are still trying not to crack up. The guy reiterates his desire to WHY BILL the guy in front of his house. My boss again tells him that he has a right to free speech without the cops interfering, but that while free speech is important there is still risk involved. Even if he goes to court and wins it will cost him money and time etc.

The guy relents and hangs up.

The other partner tells my boss, "You are MURDERING our right to free speech! MURDERER!"

We all laugh and now pretty much any time anyone asks me to do something I do a very dramatic, "WHY BILL?!?! WHYYYYYYY!?!?"


  1. The important question here is whether it was Bill's wedding he wasn't invited to, or the dog's wedding. Because if it was the dog's wedding, then he should totally protest, consequences be damned.

  2. This is so hilarious! I hope he does it, that would be amazing!

  3. I can't help but picture this in an Ebenezer Scrooge Ghost voice: "WHYYYYYYYY BIIIILLLLLLLLLLLL???"

    Some people's children. :)

  4. This is funny. "WHYYYYYYYY BIIIILLLLLLLLLLLL???" in front of his house must be so epic. It would be more funny if the guy made a youtube video of it.

    class action lawyer

  5. If the dog bit him he might have a case. This is so funny though.
    Glenn from:
    dog bite attorney los angeles