This post is dedicated to my friend Katie, with whom I embarked upon an adventure of...prickly proportions.
Last night we got our first ever bikini waxes together. She posted about it here, so I won't go over the whole saga again. I will, however, suggest 10 alternatives to the horror show we experienced. The whole ordeal cost between 120 and 170 bucks, if you're me it's slightly less. If you're Katie and you bought product, slightly more. So to split the difference let's say $150. $150 to be tormented, prodded, ripped, spread, rubbed, and overall just kind of violated. On purpose!!!
I'm going to Vegas for vacation next month. I thought it would be nice to have nice smooth legs and stuff. Katie was nervous, so I offered to go with for moral support and to further my goal of wearing nothing but sexy microdresses on vacation. When in Vegas, right?! Plus for some reason shaving my nethers results in misery every single time so I thought waxing might be a good alternative.
They started trying to upsell us with waxing passes the moment we got in the door. Dude, know your audience. We came in there shaking like leaves and talking about how scared we are. You really think we're going to drop 600 BUCKS on future waxes based on the possibility that somehow your technician magically knows how to make ripping hair out by the roots from OUR JUNK not hurt? Yeah, right. We politely declined.
Then after they tried to get us to buy lotions and potions. I politely declined those as well. I still ended up shelling out 120 bucks.
So, here it is, the 10 things I think Katie and I should do instead of paying $150 to wax our junk.
1. Buy 10 Duckie Deathstars
2. Go to the Dollar Tree and buy 150 gloves and hats - give to homeless
3. See Rogue One 12 more times
4. Buy 1500 needles, poke into legs and junk
5. Eat 10 sushi rolls
6. Buy a one way ticket to Chicago
7. Get 2 fancy haircuts (TWO!)
8. Rent 75 Redbox movies
9. Pay a month of car insurance. For two cars. And two drivers.
10. Buy a fabulous new White House Black Market special occasion dress.
Some of these are more fun than others. Kind of like some of those waxing tears are more horrific than others.
All that said, I have another appointment in 4 weeks. What is wrong with me?!?